Buddhism for Mothers...a calm approach to caring for yourself and your children

As I mentioned in my 'Spinning Plates' post, I found the summer holidays this year fun but also hard work and stressful. This was mainly due to being in the second trimester of pregnancy whilst trying to balance the demands and daily expectations of young children with the demands of work. I was conscious that there were times when I wasn't always mentally present in the moment with my children as my mind drifted elsewhere to thinking about work and the other endless list of tasks I had to do. I got more easily rattled by their inevitable sibling quarrels and often lacked patience when it was possibly most required. Personal downtime was limited and even when I did allow myself some, I felt guilty about what I could or should be doing instead.

It was at the end of a trip to a play centre with a friend and her daughter, when both my own children chose to play up about leaving that my stress levels reached their peak one day. I could feel my chest tighten and my muscles tense up in frustration and anger as they refused to co-operate. It's an emotion I'm sure any mother has felt and no doubt all will agree that it is not a pleasant one. Ten minutes later, children under control and happily chatting away in the back of the car all forgotten, I was left still feeling keyed up and stressed. Oh how I wished I had the mindset of a child at times. It was after this said trip that my friend recommended me a book 'Buddhism for Mothers', which I immediately ran out and bought.

What the book is about

'Buddhism for Mothers' focusses on taking a calm approach to caring for yourself and your children. As it mentions in the preface, parenting literature invariably focusses on nurturing children rather than the mothers who struggle to raise them.

As mothers we are thrown into experiencing a range of emotions with our children most importantly unconditional love, joy, contentment and happiness but also fear, anger, despair, and at times loneliness.

The book itself explores the potential to be with your children in the all-important present moment, to gain the most joy out of being with them - calmly and with a minimum of anger, worry or negative thinking. The author, Sarah Napthali, offers ways of coping with the day-to-day challenges of motherhood using Buddhist practices. Ways that also allow space for deeper reflections about who we are, what makes us happy and all of the sorrows and joys of motherhood.

Parenting Mindfully and Learning Calm

The first chapter in the book covers 'parenting mindfully' and this definitely hit a chord with me. I spoke previously in my 'Turning 40' post about how as a young child time seemed to be slow and growing up felt like it took an eternity but as I got older the faster time went. I have realised that for children time feels slower because they spend much of their time living in the present moment and responding to the immediate world around them.

As adults, we spend much of our time 'living' in our own heads, flitting between our past and our plans, concerning ourselves with the tasks we have to complete, or stressing about problems we have to solve.  Often, little of our daily lives is spent with an awareness of all the present moment contains. When in this mode there maybe times when our child has asked us the same question two or three times before we snap to attention leaving the potential for the child to feel unimportant or ignored.

Realistically, I am personally not sure it is possible to spend every moment of the day living in the present. We do have to drift into thinking about things we have to do and plans we have to make or even things we need to resolve. That said, it is also easy to spend a good deal of our day on auto pilot, too buried in our thoughts to be in the now. This at the very least can make us forgetful of where we placed our keys or purse, or at worse, poor listeners, whether it be with our children, family or friends and too preoccupied to appreciate what the moment we're in requires.

As quoted in the book:

'Our children bring to our lives an abundance of special moments: their birth, their first smile, their first word, starting school. But caught up in a fast-flowing stream of thoughts we miss so many of the more everyday moments and, indeed, the potential for every moment we spend with our children to be special. Awake to the depth and texture of the present, we open ourselves to appreciate and enjoy them more.'

Parenting mindfully gives us a greater awareness of our present, the sensations in our bodies and the emotions we are experiencing. There maybe times of course when we feel we want to be anything but in the present moment when dealing with a stressful situation. But by mindfully observing our growing impatience with a grizzling child for example, we have found a way to avoid identifying with the emotion too closely. We pause to collect ourselves so that we can respond in a manner that feels wise and thoughtful.

The book also discusses acknowledging your emotions as transient visitors. For me this felt useful knowing that when at my lowest ebb, with practice, I could mindfully accept that an unpleasant emotion I may be experiencing was exactly that, a visitor that would leave and that an hour, day or even week from now I would feel differently.  The book highlights that you have the power to choose your emotional responses - stressed and irritated or spacious and accepting.

It does not suggest you become emotionally detached, more emotionally aware. It also focusses on being compassionate with yourself, working on how you can learn from your emotional responses particularly when dealing with a child that has pushed you to a point that your emotions have gotten the better of you. Remind yourself that no matter how intense your current emotional state, it will pass.

Each chapter of the book is engaging and easy to read from the beginning. As well as the two chapters mentioned above it also covers; dealing with anger, worrying about our children, creating loving relationships, living with partners, finding happiness and losing our self-image, meditating and finally putting it all into practice.

In Summary

With the imminent birth of my baby approaching, I am well aware of the impact this will likely have on my emotional being. I look forward to embracing once more the unconditional love that I will feel for this child but also want to be prepared for how the sleep deprivation, change in routine and learning to cope with three children will affect me emotionally.

For me this book feels like a step in the right direction. It is not a recipe for how to become a perfect mother, far from it, but instead a guide to becoming a calmer and happier mother. You do not have to become a Buddhist to appreciate this book. Instead, it takes all the most practical aspects of Buddhism and applies them to daily life. Although it is targeted at mothers, I feel it can be applied to parenthood as a whole and even if you aren't a parent, or a parent to much older children, these practices can surely be applied to dealing with all situations in life.

I will leave you with an extract from the book on 'Karma' that I connected with ultimately:

'Once your children are grown, what kind of mother will you have been? How will your children describe you? A martyr? Patient? Crabby? Demanding? Easy-going? What effect will our words and actions have had on our children? And what kind of model will we have provided? In Buddhism, it's often said that if you want an explanation for your present look at your past; if you want to know your future look at your present. We can't change our past nor dictate our future; all we can influence is the present moment, so that's where we need to invest our awareness. This is why mindfulness is so important: it affects our future and, of course, our children's.'

You can buy 'Buddhism for Mothers' at Waterstones or online through Amazon at www.amazon.co.uk.

As I mentioned in my 'Spinning Plates' post, I found the summer holidays this year fun but also hard work and stressful. This was mainly due to being in the second trimester of pregnancy whilst trying to balance the demands and daily expectations of young children with the demands of work. I was conscious that there were times when I wasn't always mentally present in the moment with my children as my mind drifted elsewhere to thinking about work and the other endless list of tasks I had to do. I got more easily rattled by their inevitable sibling quarrels and often lacked patience when it was possibly most required. Personal downtime was limited and even when I did allow myself some, I felt guilty about what I could or should be doing instead.

It was at the end of a trip to a play centre with a friend and her daughter, when both my own children chose to play up about leaving that my stress levels reached their peak one day. I could feel my chest tighten and my muscles tense up in frustration and anger as they refused to co-operate. It's an emotion I'm sure any mother has felt and no doubt all will agree that it is not a pleasant one. Ten minutes later, children under control and happily chatting away in the back of the car all forgotten, I was left still feeling keyed up and stressed. Oh how I wished I had the mindset of a child at times. It was after this said trip that my friend recommended me a book 'Buddhism for Mothers', which I immediately ran out and bought.

What the book is about

'Buddhism for Mothers' focusses on taking a calm approach to caring for yourself and your children. As it mentions in the preface, parenting literature invariably focusses on nurturing children rather than the mothers who struggle to raise them.

As mothers we are thrown into experiencing a range of emotions with our children most importantly unconditional love, joy, contentment and happiness but also fear, anger, despair, and at times loneliness.

The book itself explores the potential to be with your children in the all-important present moment, to gain the most joy out of being with them - calmly and with a minimum of anger, worry or negative thinking. The author, Sarah Napthali, offers ways of coping with the day-to-day challenges of motherhood using Buddhist practices. Ways that also allow space for deeper reflections about who we are, what makes us happy and all of the sorrows and joys of motherhood.

Parenting Mindfully and Learning Calm

The first chapter in the book covers 'parenting mindfully' and this definitely hit a chord with me. I spoke previously in my 'Turning 40' post about how as a young child time seemed to be slow and growing up felt like it took an eternity but as I got older the faster time went. I have realised that for children time feels slower because they spend much of their time living in the present moment and responding to the immediate world around them.

As adults, we spend much of our time 'living' in our own heads, flitting between our past and our plans, concerning ourselves with the tasks we have to complete, or stressing about problems we have to solve.  Often, little of our daily lives is spent with an awareness of all the present moment contains. When in this mode there maybe times when our child has asked us the same question two or three times before we snap to attention leaving the potential for the child to feel unimportant or ignored.

Realistically, I am personally not sure it is possible to spend every moment of the day living in the present. We do have to drift into thinking about things we have to do and plans we have to make or even things we need to resolve. That said, it is also easy to spend a good deal of our day on auto pilot, too buried in our thoughts to be in the now. This at the very least can make us forgetful of where we placed our keys or purse, or at worse, poor listeners, whether it be with our children, family or friends and too preoccupied to appreciate what the moment we're in requires.

As quoted in the book:

'Our children bring to our lives an abundance of special moments: their birth, their first smile, their first word, starting school. But caught up in a fast-flowing stream of thoughts we miss so many of the more everyday moments and, indeed, the potential for every moment we spend with our children to be special. Awake to the depth and texture of the present, we open ourselves to appreciate and enjoy them more.'

Parenting mindfully gives us a greater awareness of our present, the sensations in our bodies and the emotions we are experiencing. There maybe times of course when we feel we want to be anything but in the present moment when dealing with a stressful situation. But by mindfully observing our growing impatience with a grizzling child for example, we have found a way to avoid identifying with the emotion too closely. We pause to collect ourselves so that we can respond in a manner that feels wise and thoughtful.

The book also discusses acknowledging your emotions as transient visitors. For me this felt useful knowing that when at my lowest ebb, with practice, I could mindfully accept that an unpleasant emotion I may be experiencing was exactly that, a visitor that would leave and that an hour, day or even week from now I would feel differently.  The book highlights that you have the power to choose your emotional responses - stressed and irritated or spacious and accepting.

It does not suggest you become emotionally detached, more emotionally aware. It also focusses on being compassionate with yourself, working on how you can learn from your emotional responses particularly when dealing with a child that has pushed you to a point that your emotions have gotten the better of you. Remind yourself that no matter how intense your current emotional state, it will pass.

Each chapter of the book is engaging and easy to read from the beginning. As well as the two chapters mentioned above it also covers; dealing with anger, worrying about our children, creating loving relationships, living with partners, finding happiness and losing our self-image, meditating and finally putting it all into practice.

In Summary

With the imminent birth of my baby approaching, I am well aware of the impact this will likely have on my emotional being. I look forward to embracing once more the unconditional love that I will feel for this child but also want to be prepared for how the sleep deprivation, change in routine and learning to cope with three children will affect me emotionally.

For me this book feels like a step in the right direction. It is not a recipe for how to become a perfect mother, far from it, but instead a guide to becoming a calmer and happier mother. You do not have to become a Buddhist to appreciate this book. Instead, it takes all the most practical aspects of Buddhism and applies them to daily life. Although it is targeted at mothers, I feel it can be applied to parenthood as a whole and even if you aren't a parent, or a parent to much older children, these practices can surely be applied to dealing with all situations in life.

I will leave you with an extract from the book on 'Karma' that I connected with ultimately:

'Once your children are grown, what kind of mother will you have been? How will your children describe you? A martyr? Patient? Crabby? Demanding? Easy-going? What effect will our words and actions have had on our children? And what kind of model will we have provided? In Buddhism, it's often said that if you want an explanation for your present look at your past; if you want to know your future look at your present. We can't change our past nor dictate our future; all we can influence is the present moment, so that's where we need to invest our awareness. This is why mindfulness is so important: it affects our future and, of course, our children's.'

You can buy 'Buddhism for Mothers' at Waterstones or online through Amazon at www.amazon.co.uk.

A day trip to remember at Westfield, Shepherd's Bush

A few weeks ago, my wonderful Mum and I had a rare girls day out to the Westfield Centre in Shepherds Bush, London. I see Mum and Dad all the time but it's usually with two attention hungry children in tow so getting to spend quality Mum and daughter time feels like a luxury these days. We had planned the trip to London to coincide with my 40th birthday as Mum kindly wanted to treat me to something really special to mark the occasion. 

I have never been to either of the two big Westfield's in London (the other being in Stratford) so was intrigued to see what it was all about. We caught the train from East Grinstead and had a relatively pain free journey, not including, that is, changing at Clapham Junction where we had to run for the departing train. I sorely regretted doing this with such zealous at six and a half months pregnant, as I sat trying to catch my breath whilst enduring the all too familiar ligament pains under my bump.

Fifteen minutes later and bump pains gone, we stepped off the train and made the short walk to the shopping centre. It was a beautiful day with deep blue sky and a warm breeze in the air and the centre glinted tantalisingly in the sunshine as we approached. We made our way through the hustle and bustle of the paved walkway which was lined with packed restaurants and bars. I couldn't wait to get in and experience the wonder of Westfield but the main thing on my mind was finding the nearest loo!

Loo mission completed, I was finally able to take in my surroundings and relax for at least 15 minutes before no doubt needing the loo again. The Westfield centre was IMPRESSIVE. It had clearly been designed with a futuristic vibe in mind and I honestly felt like I had stepped into a time machine and been transported forward a couple of decades.  Ok, I know it's JUST a shopping centre but boasting 255 stores including a 'designer' village and being the size equivalent to 30 football pitches, I felt like a kid in a candy store (a really big one)!  

We began perusing the shops, including a divine furniture store called Dwell. Dwell reminded me of an upmarket version of Habitat with it's uber sleek range of contemporary furniture. We spent an indulgent 'child free' amount of time in there enjoying looking round and it was here that I happened across a gorgeous little chrome and white faux leather rocking chair that would be perfect for the nursery. 

As our nursery is only small, I've previously been unable to enjoy a chair in the room, a luxury I've always craved. Most rockers tend to be fairly big and therefore unsuitable for smaller spaces but this one was compact and incredibly comfortable. Even better, it was in the sale so I quickly made a note of the measurements before ordering it when I got home. The chair will also suit other rooms in the house when we no longer need it in the nursery so felt like the perfect solution. You can view Dwell's range at: www.dwell.co.uk

Chair by Dwell

In need of a refreshment break and my next of what was to be at least half a dozen toilet trips(!) we headed to a cafe for lunch where we enjoyed coffee, panini's and shared a lemon tart whilst cramming in as much conversation as we could between bites. I'd forgotten how civilised lunch in a cafe could be without having to manage young children. I actually got to finish my sentences for once!

From there we headed to the alluring sounding 'designer' village and the one store we had planned the trip around...Tiffany. I was lucky enough to receive a beautiful Tiffany ring and matching bangle for my 30th from my husband and now ten years on, I was fortunate enough to be back, only this time with my Mum. 

We entered the store and headed straight for the bracelets. I had seen a beautiful 'Return to Tiffany' bead bracelet online which was just my taste and which I knew Mum wouldn't be forced to remortgage the house for (unlike many of the other pieces of jewellery arranged expensively in the glass display cabinets!). We were served by a snooty male shop assistant who clearly would rather have been dealing with one of the customers standing by the 'unmarked price' diamond counter, but I wasn't going to let him spoil things for us (although secretly wished I could have had that Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman moment for all that have seen the film!). 

After umming and ahhing over whether to go for the mini heart tag or mini lock bracelet, we settled on the more classic heart. We left the store with the bracelet safely tucked away in its elegant blue pouch sealed in a box with white ribbon and matching bag to carry in, which I carried proudly feeling thoroughly spoiled. Turning 40 definitely had its upside!

As our day drew to a close, we looked in a couple more shops before collapsing in the delightful Butlers Chocolate Cafe where we enjoyed tea and chocolate crepes with vanilla ice-cream. Feeling rather sick from the sugar rush, it was time to head home. 

It was a really enjoyable day and I just want to say thank you Mum for making it so special and to both my parents for their wonderful gift which I will treasure!

A few weeks ago, my wonderful Mum and I had a rare girls day out to the Westfield Centre in Shepherds Bush, London. I see Mum and Dad all the time but it's usually with two attention hungry children in tow so getting to spend quality Mum and daughter time feels like a luxury these days. We had planned the trip to London to coincide with my 40th birthday as Mum kindly wanted to treat me to something really special to mark the occasion. 

I have never been to either of the two big Westfield's in London (the other being in Stratford) so was intrigued to see what it was all about. We caught the train from East Grinstead and had a relatively pain free journey, not including, that is, changing at Clapham Junction where we had to run for the departing train. I sorely regretted doing this with such zealous at six and a half months pregnant, as I sat trying to catch my breath whilst enduring the all too familiar ligament pains under my bump.

Fifteen minutes later and bump pains gone, we stepped off the train and made the short walk to the shopping centre. It was a beautiful day with deep blue sky and a warm breeze in the air and the centre glinted tantalisingly in the sunshine as we approached. We made our way through the hustle and bustle of the paved walkway which was lined with packed restaurants and bars. I couldn't wait to get in and experience the wonder of Westfield but the main thing on my mind was finding the nearest loo!

Loo mission completed, I was finally able to take in my surroundings and relax for at least 15 minutes before no doubt needing the loo again. The Westfield centre was IMPRESSIVE. It had clearly been designed with a futuristic vibe in mind and I honestly felt like I had stepped into a time machine and been transported forward a couple of decades.  Ok, I know it's JUST a shopping centre but boasting 255 stores including a 'designer' village and being the size equivalent to 30 football pitches, I felt like a kid in a candy store (a really big one)!  

We began perusing the shops, including a divine furniture store called Dwell. Dwell reminded me of an upmarket version of Habitat with it's uber sleek range of contemporary furniture. We spent an indulgent 'child free' amount of time in there enjoying looking round and it was here that I happened across a gorgeous little chrome and white faux leather rocking chair that would be perfect for the nursery. 

As our nursery is only small, I've previously been unable to enjoy a chair in the room, a luxury I've always craved. Most rockers tend to be fairly big and therefore unsuitable for smaller spaces but this one was compact and incredibly comfortable. Even better, it was in the sale so I quickly made a note of the measurements before ordering it when I got home. The chair will also suit other rooms in the house when we no longer need it in the nursery so felt like the perfect solution. You can view Dwell's range at: www.dwell.co.uk

Chair by Dwell

In need of a refreshment break and my next of what was to be at least half a dozen toilet trips(!) we headed to a cafe for lunch where we enjoyed coffee, panini's and shared a lemon tart whilst cramming in as much conversation as we could between bites. I'd forgotten how civilised lunch in a cafe could be without having to manage young children. I actually got to finish my sentences for once!

From there we headed to the alluring sounding 'designer' village and the one store we had planned the trip around...Tiffany. I was lucky enough to receive a beautiful Tiffany ring and matching bangle for my 30th from my husband and now ten years on, I was fortunate enough to be back, only this time with my Mum. 

We entered the store and headed straight for the bracelets. I had seen a beautiful 'Return to Tiffany' bead bracelet online which was just my taste and which I knew Mum wouldn't be forced to remortgage the house for (unlike many of the other pieces of jewellery arranged expensively in the glass display cabinets!). We were served by a snooty male shop assistant who clearly would rather have been dealing with one of the customers standing by the 'unmarked price' diamond counter, but I wasn't going to let him spoil things for us (although secretly wished I could have had that Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman moment for all that have seen the film!). 

After umming and ahhing over whether to go for the mini heart tag or mini lock bracelet, we settled on the more classic heart. We left the store with the bracelet safely tucked away in its elegant blue pouch sealed in a box with white ribbon and matching bag to carry in, which I carried proudly feeling thoroughly spoiled. Turning 40 definitely had its upside!

As our day drew to a close, we looked in a couple more shops before collapsing in the delightful Butlers Chocolate Cafe where we enjoyed tea and chocolate crepes with vanilla ice-cream. Feeling rather sick from the sugar rush, it was time to head home. 

It was a really enjoyable day and I just want to say thank you Mum for making it so special and to both my parents for their wonderful gift which I will treasure!

Converse infant 'rasberry' shearling basketball boots by Office

Converse All Star Basketball boots from Office £39.99

Grace was in need of some new shoes and I fell in love with these cosy raspberry suede basketball boots from Office. They feature a double tongue design for more body and fun and the tongue can be worn up or folded down for a versatile look. The shearling lining will also help keep little feet warmer in the autumn/winter seasons.  Sizes range from '2 crib' to '10 youth' and colours come in raspberry, chesnut, grey and blue. These boots are also available in kids and adult sizes.  You can view them online at: www.office.co.uk.

Converse All Star Basketball boots from Office £39.99

Grace was in need of some new shoes and I fell in love with these cosy raspberry suede basketball boots from Office. They feature a double tongue design for more body and fun and the tongue can be worn up or folded down for a versatile look. The shearling lining will also help keep little feet warmer in the autumn/winter seasons.  Sizes range from '2 crib' to '10 youth' and colours come in raspberry, chesnut, grey and blue. These boots are also available in kids and adult sizes.  You can view them online at: www.office.co.uk.

Jojo Maman Bebe 4-Way Maternity Cardigan

Cardigan by Jojo Maman Bebe - £39.00

I picked up this great black cardigan from Jojo's recently as am starting to grow out of most of my other black cardigans! I love it's versatility and will also come in brilliantly for discrete breastfeeding when the little man is born as he will be able to fit cosily underneath. 

It will be perfect for autumn/winter and I've already had lots of use out of it. The cardigan comes in either black, dusty blue or navy and white stripe and is in store now.  You can view online at: http://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk

Cardigan by Jojo Maman Bebe - £39.00

I picked up this great black cardigan from Jojo's recently as am starting to grow out of most of my other black cardigans! I love it's versatility and will also come in brilliantly for discrete breastfeeding when the little man is born as he will be able to fit cosily underneath. 

It will be perfect for autumn/winter and I've already had lots of use out of it. The cardigan comes in either black, dusty blue or navy and white stripe and is in store now.  You can view online at: http://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk

Topshop Aerobic2 Wedge Hi-Tops in Tan

Wedge Hi-Tops in Tan from Top Shop

£45.00

Okay, I couldn't resist.  I had a little birthday money left over so decided to get the hi-tops in tan as well!  I love, love, love both these and my black ones as are so comfy and make a nice change from boots.  The only challenge is getting them on my feet with bump in the way!!

Wedge Hi-Tops in Tan from Top Shop

£45.00

Okay, I couldn't resist.  I had a little birthday money left over so decided to get the hi-tops in tan as well!  I love, love, love both these and my black ones as are so comfy and make a nice change from boots.  The only challenge is getting them on my feet with bump in the way!!

What to expect in the third trimester

Jacket by Ted Baker

So the third and final trimester has finally arrived.  It has crept up on me somewhat and I really feel like the final countdown has begun.  With less than nine 'official' weeks to go till my planned c-section and assuming the baby doesn't arrive early, I am feeling rather unprepared.

My pregnancy symptoms so far in T3:

Tiredness and less energy

Boy do I feel tired.  In my second trimester I felt like I had the energy of an Olympian - nothing was too much and I could survive on six and a half hours sleep repeatedly without really feeling the deficit.  Now, I feel tired ALOT.  I am averaging more sleep but still wake up feeling like I need another hour or two in bed.  I have started sneaking a nap in the day when the children are at school and playschool where I can but not always easy as always a hundred other things to do.

I just got a call from my doctor today and it turns out I have a slight iron deficiency or pregnancy related anaemia and so have been prescribed some iron tablets (this would explain the added tiredness). Apparently this is common in pregnancy and affects up to half of pregnant women particularly in the second and third trimester.

Blood testing at 28 weeks should pick this up but if you are suffering from any of the following symptoms it is worth contacting your midwife:

- tiredness and low energy levels
- breathlessness and palpitations
- pale eyelids and nail beds
- a sore tongue or strange taste in your mouth

Hopefully the iron supplements will help with my energy levels along with eating more iron rich foods such as red meat and green leafy vegetables.

Hormones

I have been a bit up a down on this front lately.  At the moment I feel fine but I have had my down patches.  I am putting some of it down to the stress of trying to get my workload cleared before I can start thinking about the baby's arrival.  Two weeks ago I felt like I had a mountain to move but thanks to my wonderful parents helping out with the children and a supportive husband, I have pretty much broken the back of it all and suddenly there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I am planning an official start to my maternity leave on 1st November at the latest so I have a month to get prepared and started thinking about the nursery!

Backache, pelvic and ligament pains

Oh the joys that come with pregnancy in the third trimester... I admit that even walking to the shops at the end of my road can seem like a challenge at the moment.  I normally end up having to hold my bump underneath as the strain of walking for any distance or heaven forbid running (out of the rain, or to get your three year old to a toilet in town on time), is becoming a bit uncomfortable with pain either side of my bump (a bit like a stitch), that wears off with time. I've also been experiencing some pelvic pain when walking at times which isn't much fun.

Standing for too long or sitting in the same position also gets uncomfortable and too much time spent trying to get on top of the house leaves me with really bad lower backache.

Frequent runs to the bathroom

I think the baby has started to use my bladder as a trampoline.  I can't get very far without the urge to run to the nearest loo at the moment.  This can be very inconvenient to say the least.  Luckily for me, I am not yet waking in the night to go but am giving it time!

Where are my feet and how can I get my shoes on?

When standing straight my feet have now magically disappeared.  Trying to get shoes on is starting to become a challenge and I have to sit carefully and swing one leg up onto my knee to have a go.  Even doing this is uncomfortable at times. Bending to the floor to pick something up either involves a sumo squat or a strained lean over the bump.

I remember in my last few weeks of my pregnancy with Grace dropping my debit card on the floor whilst at the counter in a shop.  A debit card is possibly the worst thing you can hope to drop when heavily pregnant.  I remember the indignity I felt as I attempted to retrieve it by hopelessly swinging my arm back and forth as low as it would go like some sort of performing orangutan.  Not one person in the queue waded in to help, so transfixed were they it seemed by my humiliating display of ineptness!

Weight gain

This is a given but in the last trimester the pounds seem to creep on a bit faster.  This is mainly due to the baby now piling on the pounds ready for birth.  My weight gain so far has reached 25 pounds but with a further 8 weeks or so to go I'm not expecting it to stay at that!  That said, a healthy weight gain for my BMI is between 25 and 35 pounds so as long as I don't go over the latter I'm doing okay it would appear.

Stronger fetal movement

I can tell the little man is getting bigger and stronger as he hoofs me and prods me with greater vigour these days.  He's not a big kicker or puncher, more of a 'mover and shaker' but when he does decide to put in the boot or give me a Tyson style right hook, I definitely know about it.  There is still room for him to make these noticeable movements but they will get more restricted over the following weeks....

Whooping cough vaccine

I went along for my whooping cough vaccine today that is now readily available for pregnant women who are 28 weeks plus in their pregnancy.  There has been a lot of media about an increase in cases and newborns are particularly vulnerable as aren't vaccinated against it until 2 months.  There have been ten reported newborn deaths already from the condition.  So if you're expecting and haven't already, make sure you get your vaccinations sorted asap!

There are obviously many other symptoms you can have in your third trimester including Braxton Hicks contractions, swollen ankles, shortness of breath, heartburn and stretch marks to name a few. Luckily I've avoided all of these so far but a lot can happen in the last two months...watch this space!

Jacket by Ted Baker

So the third and final trimester has finally arrived.  It has crept up on me somewhat and I really feel like the final countdown has begun.  With less than nine 'official' weeks to go till my planned c-section and assuming the baby doesn't arrive early, I am feeling rather unprepared.

My pregnancy symptoms so far in T3:

Tiredness and less energy

Boy do I feel tired.  In my second trimester I felt like I had the energy of an Olympian - nothing was too much and I could survive on six and a half hours sleep repeatedly without really feeling the deficit.  Now, I feel tired ALOT.  I am averaging more sleep but still wake up feeling like I need another hour or two in bed.  I have started sneaking a nap in the day when the children are at school and playschool where I can but not always easy as always a hundred other things to do.

I just got a call from my doctor today and it turns out I have a slight iron deficiency or pregnancy related anaemia and so have been prescribed some iron tablets (this would explain the added tiredness). Apparently this is common in pregnancy and affects up to half of pregnant women particularly in the second and third trimester.

Blood testing at 28 weeks should pick this up but if you are suffering from any of the following symptoms it is worth contacting your midwife:

- tiredness and low energy levels
- breathlessness and palpitations
- pale eyelids and nail beds
- a sore tongue or strange taste in your mouth

Hopefully the iron supplements will help with my energy levels along with eating more iron rich foods such as red meat and green leafy vegetables.

Hormones

I have been a bit up a down on this front lately.  At the moment I feel fine but I have had my down patches.  I am putting some of it down to the stress of trying to get my workload cleared before I can start thinking about the baby's arrival.  Two weeks ago I felt like I had a mountain to move but thanks to my wonderful parents helping out with the children and a supportive husband, I have pretty much broken the back of it all and suddenly there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I am planning an official start to my maternity leave on 1st November at the latest so I have a month to get prepared and started thinking about the nursery!

Backache, pelvic and ligament pains

Oh the joys that come with pregnancy in the third trimester... I admit that even walking to the shops at the end of my road can seem like a challenge at the moment.  I normally end up having to hold my bump underneath as the strain of walking for any distance or heaven forbid running (out of the rain, or to get your three year old to a toilet in town on time), is becoming a bit uncomfortable with pain either side of my bump (a bit like a stitch), that wears off with time. I've also been experiencing some pelvic pain when walking at times which isn't much fun.

Standing for too long or sitting in the same position also gets uncomfortable and too much time spent trying to get on top of the house leaves me with really bad lower backache.

Frequent runs to the bathroom

I think the baby has started to use my bladder as a trampoline.  I can't get very far without the urge to run to the nearest loo at the moment.  This can be very inconvenient to say the least.  Luckily for me, I am not yet waking in the night to go but am giving it time!

Where are my feet and how can I get my shoes on?

When standing straight my feet have now magically disappeared.  Trying to get shoes on is starting to become a challenge and I have to sit carefully and swing one leg up onto my knee to have a go.  Even doing this is uncomfortable at times. Bending to the floor to pick something up either involves a sumo squat or a strained lean over the bump.

I remember in my last few weeks of my pregnancy with Grace dropping my debit card on the floor whilst at the counter in a shop.  A debit card is possibly the worst thing you can hope to drop when heavily pregnant.  I remember the indignity I felt as I attempted to retrieve it by hopelessly swinging my arm back and forth as low as it would go like some sort of performing orangutan.  Not one person in the queue waded in to help, so transfixed were they it seemed by my humiliating display of ineptness!

Weight gain

This is a given but in the last trimester the pounds seem to creep on a bit faster.  This is mainly due to the baby now piling on the pounds ready for birth.  My weight gain so far has reached 25 pounds but with a further 8 weeks or so to go I'm not expecting it to stay at that!  That said, a healthy weight gain for my BMI is between 25 and 35 pounds so as long as I don't go over the latter I'm doing okay it would appear.

Stronger fetal movement

I can tell the little man is getting bigger and stronger as he hoofs me and prods me with greater vigour these days.  He's not a big kicker or puncher, more of a 'mover and shaker' but when he does decide to put in the boot or give me a Tyson style right hook, I definitely know about it.  There is still room for him to make these noticeable movements but they will get more restricted over the following weeks....

Whooping cough vaccine

I went along for my whooping cough vaccine today that is now readily available for pregnant women who are 28 weeks plus in their pregnancy.  There has been a lot of media about an increase in cases and newborns are particularly vulnerable as aren't vaccinated against it until 2 months.  There have been ten reported newborn deaths already from the condition.  So if you're expecting and haven't already, make sure you get your vaccinations sorted asap!

There are obviously many other symptoms you can have in your third trimester including Braxton Hicks contractions, swollen ankles, shortness of breath, heartburn and stretch marks to name a few. Luckily I've avoided all of these so far but a lot can happen in the last two months...watch this space!

Turning 40...

Dress by Isabella Oliver Maternity

So here it finally was - the big 4-0 - goodbye thirties - hello forties.  Whichever way I think about it '40' just sounds so terribly 'grown up'.  I remember celebrating my Mum's 40th birthday VERY clearly, so where have the last 21 years gone and how did I get to such a 'sensible' age so quickly??!

As kids we can't wait to be another year older.  I remember growing up felt like it took an eternity, so keen was I to experience independence and the world beyond.  Yet as a grown up time seems to speed up and it barely feels like we've finished celebrating one birthday before it's on to the next.

My thirties have been overall a pretty good decade.  Gone were the follies of my more youthful twenties in which I travelled, lived away from home for the first time amongst the buzz of London life, drank a lot in countless trendy South London bars and enjoyed a fairly good commission cheque at the end of each month in my job in recruitment. I met my husband in my mid twenties. Money was spent on rent, nights out, holidays and clothes and the good times continued to roll. Life was pretty straight forward. I felt grown up and loved the freedom that my twenties gave me. But it was not without its drawbacks. 

As a person I was still evolving. I was naturally more selfish and more impulsive. I was more likely to speak my mind but lacked the grace and diplomacy that naturally developed as I matured in my thirties. I was less confident and worried more about what people thought. This continued into my early thirties.

By my mid thirties I was married, we owned our first home and our first child was born. Becoming a mother was a very grounding experience and gave me a new sense of joy and fulfilment that I had never known until that moment. I honestly think being a mother made me a better person. I developed  a deeper understanding of my own parents love for me and what unconditional love really felt like. It taught me greater patience, empathy and made me feel more content.

My years between 34 and 40 may have been in many respects the hardest in terms of raising a young family. It has brought new stresses including sleepless nights, increased financial responsibility, less time for myself and learning how to deal with the evolving needs and demands of young children. I have also in this time built up my career as a photographer which despite being a passion that has helped me at times keep my sanity(!) it has also naturally added pressure to what is already the most demanding time of my life so far.

All that said, these are also the years I have felt my most complete. I have enjoyed new friendships with fellow mums who also experience the highs (and lows) of parenthood. Many a bad day at 'the office' have been mutually soothed away with an understanding ear, a mug of tea and biscuits (or in extreme cases a glass of wine!). These are the women I have laughed with on the good days and who have been there to listen on the occasional bad days.

At 40, I have a stronger sense of self, am calmer and more confident than I was in my twenties and early thirties. I still feel young but have the benefit of life experience and am wiser as a result. When the big day arrived, I greeted it initially with mixed feelings but on reflection realise that 40 is just a number, a marker as to where you're at on your journey in life and age is a state of mind!

I celebrated my 30th birthday in a swanky bar in London surrounded by friends. It was exciting but like Cinderella, was forced to make my exit at midnight after being politely asked to leave for being too drunk (I blame all my kind friends for plying me with cocktails!). I was 'unwell' right outside the bar entrance in front of a queue of alarmed customers and whilst slumped on the floor in a ball of shame was brought a bucket of soapy water and a sponge to give myself a 'refreshing wash' with.  I was so embarrassed I mistook this generous act of kindness by the sympathetic staff member and started scrubbing the pavement on my hands and knees to remove the evidence of my drunkenness whilst sobbing how 'sorry' I was for getting in such a state in the first place.

After finally finding a taxi that would take us, Brett and I arrived home to realise we had picked up the wrong set of keys and so were locked out.  We had to sit on our chilly doorstep for a further two hours whilst waiting for our friends to turn up from our 'great party' (one of whom lived locally and thankfully had a spare key)! I woke up feeling pretty miserable and pretty sorry for myself and to think I had actually given Brett a lecture before we went out about 'pacing himself' with the alcohol!

Fast forward ten years and my 40th birthday was also celebrated in a swanky restaurant and bar but this time in Tunbridge Wells. I knew my chance of a repeat performance from my 30th was zero due to the fact I have only just recovered from the shame and being six months pregnant certainly put the breaks on even getting tipsy! It was a brilliant night, surrounded by old friends and new and a great way to start my forties.  I still woke up feeling a little like I'd had a night on the sauce (probably due to flicking the hotel room light off at 3 a.m. - not great when pregnant) but took comfort in the fact I had actually seen my party through this time and hopefully without much to feel embarrassed about!

I read this quote recently which made me smile:

'I believe the second half of one's life is meant to be better than the first. The first half is finding out how you do it and the second half is enjoying it'. - Frances Lear.

A few snaps from our birthday at The Brew House Hotel, Tunbridge Wells...

Dress by Isabella Oliver Maternity

So here it finally was - the big 4-0 - goodbye thirties - hello forties.  Whichever way I think about it '40' just sounds so terribly 'grown up'.  I remember celebrating my Mum's 40th birthday VERY clearly, so where have the last 21 years gone and how did I get to such a 'sensible' age so quickly??!

As kids we can't wait to be another year older.  I remember growing up felt like it took an eternity, so keen was I to experience independence and the world beyond.  Yet as a grown up time seems to speed up and it barely feels like we've finished celebrating one birthday before it's on to the next.

My thirties have been overall a pretty good decade.  Gone were the follies of my more youthful twenties in which I travelled, lived away from home for the first time amongst the buzz of London life, drank a lot in countless trendy South London bars and enjoyed a fairly good commission cheque at the end of each month in my job in recruitment. I met my husband in my mid twenties. Money was spent on rent, nights out, holidays and clothes and the good times continued to roll. Life was pretty straight forward. I felt grown up and loved the freedom that my twenties gave me. But it was not without its drawbacks. 

As a person I was still evolving. I was naturally more selfish and more impulsive. I was more likely to speak my mind but lacked the grace and diplomacy that naturally developed as I matured in my thirties. I was less confident and worried more about what people thought. This continued into my early thirties.

By my mid thirties I was married, we owned our first home and our first child was born. Becoming a mother was a very grounding experience and gave me a new sense of joy and fulfilment that I had never known until that moment. I honestly think being a mother made me a better person. I developed  a deeper understanding of my own parents love for me and what unconditional love really felt like. It taught me greater patience, empathy and made me feel more content.

My years between 34 and 40 may have been in many respects the hardest in terms of raising a young family. It has brought new stresses including sleepless nights, increased financial responsibility, less time for myself and learning how to deal with the evolving needs and demands of young children. I have also in this time built up my career as a photographer which despite being a passion that has helped me at times keep my sanity(!) it has also naturally added pressure to what is already the most demanding time of my life so far.

All that said, these are also the years I have felt my most complete. I have enjoyed new friendships with fellow mums who also experience the highs (and lows) of parenthood. Many a bad day at 'the office' have been mutually soothed away with an understanding ear, a mug of tea and biscuits (or in extreme cases a glass of wine!). These are the women I have laughed with on the good days and who have been there to listen on the occasional bad days.

At 40, I have a stronger sense of self, am calmer and more confident than I was in my twenties and early thirties. I still feel young but have the benefit of life experience and am wiser as a result. When the big day arrived, I greeted it initially with mixed feelings but on reflection realise that 40 is just a number, a marker as to where you're at on your journey in life and age is a state of mind!

I celebrated my 30th birthday in a swanky bar in London surrounded by friends. It was exciting but like Cinderella, was forced to make my exit at midnight after being politely asked to leave for being too drunk (I blame all my kind friends for plying me with cocktails!). I was 'unwell' right outside the bar entrance in front of a queue of alarmed customers and whilst slumped on the floor in a ball of shame was brought a bucket of soapy water and a sponge to give myself a 'refreshing wash' with.  I was so embarrassed I mistook this generous act of kindness by the sympathetic staff member and started scrubbing the pavement on my hands and knees to remove the evidence of my drunkenness whilst sobbing how 'sorry' I was for getting in such a state in the first place.

After finally finding a taxi that would take us, Brett and I arrived home to realise we had picked up the wrong set of keys and so were locked out.  We had to sit on our chilly doorstep for a further two hours whilst waiting for our friends to turn up from our 'great party' (one of whom lived locally and thankfully had a spare key)! I woke up feeling pretty miserable and pretty sorry for myself and to think I had actually given Brett a lecture before we went out about 'pacing himself' with the alcohol!

Fast forward ten years and my 40th birthday was also celebrated in a swanky restaurant and bar but this time in Tunbridge Wells. I knew my chance of a repeat performance from my 30th was zero due to the fact I have only just recovered from the shame and being six months pregnant certainly put the breaks on even getting tipsy! It was a brilliant night, surrounded by old friends and new and a great way to start my forties.  I still woke up feeling a little like I'd had a night on the sauce (probably due to flicking the hotel room light off at 3 a.m. - not great when pregnant) but took comfort in the fact I had actually seen my party through this time and hopefully without much to feel embarrassed about!

I read this quote recently which made me smile:

'I believe the second half of one's life is meant to be better than the first. The first half is finding out how you do it and the second half is enjoying it'. - Frances Lear.

A few snaps from our birthday at The Brew House Hotel, Tunbridge Wells...

Topshop Aerobic2 Wedge Hi-Tops

I was in Topshop the other day and saw these great Hi-Tops.  They have a wedge inside which gives you a good couple of inches extra height (which works for me!) but are also incredibly comfortable.  The ones I have are also lined so perfect for colder days but not too heavily lined that your feet get too hot. I love wearing them when pregnant particularly and are fab to throw on for the school run. I am also eyeing up the ones in tan...

I already feel I would be lost without them!  They are in store now priced at £45.00 but also sell in Office and come in a variety of colours.  You can check them out online at www.topshop.com.

I was in Topshop the other day and saw these great Hi-Tops.  They have a wedge inside which gives you a good couple of inches extra height (which works for me!) but are also incredibly comfortable.  The ones I have are also lined so perfect for colder days but not too heavily lined that your feet get too hot. I love wearing them when pregnant particularly and are fab to throw on for the school run. I am also eyeing up the ones in tan...

I already feel I would be lost without them!  They are in store now priced at £45.00 but also sell in Office and come in a variety of colours.  You can check them out online at www.topshop.com.