Week 15

It's week 15 and I feel I can safely say the bump is real now, it's not just cake and potatoes!  When I see people for the first time they tell me my bump is 'cute' and I think one or two have even been tempted to clasp it in their hands like they were squeezing the plump cheeks of a child.  I am liking this part of my pregnancy.  I am comfortable, mobile and my bump is still 'cute' apparently!  I find myself standing in shops gently stroking and patting it's roundness knowing that the bonding process has already begun.

Today I went for my 15 week check up with the midwife.  I knew it would be the first time I would hopefully hear the heartbeat.  I had Joshua and Grace with me who were thankfully excellently behaved and sat quietly whilst I had my blood pressure taken, first by the young student midwife that was sitting in and then by Sarah.  I like Sarah.  She has a nice smile and short silvery grey hair that belies her much younger face. She speaks calmly and I find her reassuring.

I laid down on the bench and Sarah asked if it would be okay for Emily to check my tummy to see if she could measure my fundal height (a standard procedure to assess fetal growth and development).   I couldn't help but smile when she guessed it about 3 inches above my belly button!  If that's the case it must mean I'm about to pop!  Sarah gently guided her back down to the appropriate position and reminded her that I was only 15 weeks.

As the midwife pushed the doppler down on my stomach we both got a shock! "What was that?!" I exclaimed at what I can only describe as a very definite and sharp kick from the other side.  "I'm not sure" she said "but I can't think it can be anything other than the baby moving objectionably to the pressing!" I laid slightly taken aback as she then proceeded to patiently search for the heartbeat.  It took a while to find as the whooshing sound of the placenta attempted to drown it out.  I think we made the baby cross and it retreated to the furthest point of it's little house and hid like a moody teenager slamming the door as it ran upstairs to sulk.  Persistence won the day though and we eventually found the little monkey hiding to one side and so I left the appointment happy and with a spring in my step.

I have definitely started to feel things this week.  I wasn't sure at first if it was just me but I'm starting to experience that washing machine feeling.  Not kicking but movement.  In fact as I write this I can definitely feel something going on in there like gentle turning and pressing from the inside.  I think I'm cooking a bruiser.

On a final note, I have been inspired by a lovely client and friend of mine who is also pregnant and only 5 weeks ahead of me.  She wanted me to take a series of portraits of her during her final pregnancy for what will be her SIXTH child!  Now if you saw this lady, you would not believe that someone so incredibly gorgeous could have had one child let alone five already with SIX in the oven.  She is also writing a blog and gave me the idea to start my own.  Yesterday we went to the studio for her first session - already at the half way mark.  After she had gone, I asked Paul who owns the studio if he'd take a few shots of me too.  I have decided on my own 'project bump' and so am going to document each week my bump to baby progress.  I hope you enjoy looking!

It's week 15 and I feel I can safely say the bump is real now, it's not just cake and potatoes!  When I see people for the first time they tell me my bump is 'cute' and I think one or two have even been tempted to clasp it in their hands like they were squeezing the plump cheeks of a child.  I am liking this part of my pregnancy.  I am comfortable, mobile and my bump is still 'cute' apparently!  I find myself standing in shops gently stroking and patting it's roundness knowing that the bonding process has already begun.

Today I went for my 15 week check up with the midwife.  I knew it would be the first time I would hopefully hear the heartbeat.  I had Joshua and Grace with me who were thankfully excellently behaved and sat quietly whilst I had my blood pressure taken, first by the young student midwife that was sitting in and then by Sarah.  I like Sarah.  She has a nice smile and short silvery grey hair that belies her much younger face. She speaks calmly and I find her reassuring.

I laid down on the bench and Sarah asked if it would be okay for Emily to check my tummy to see if she could measure my fundal height (a standard procedure to assess fetal growth and development).   I couldn't help but smile when she guessed it about 3 inches above my belly button!  If that's the case it must mean I'm about to pop!  Sarah gently guided her back down to the appropriate position and reminded her that I was only 15 weeks.

As the midwife pushed the doppler down on my stomach we both got a shock! "What was that?!" I exclaimed at what I can only describe as a very definite and sharp kick from the other side.  "I'm not sure" she said "but I can't think it can be anything other than the baby moving objectionably to the pressing!" I laid slightly taken aback as she then proceeded to patiently search for the heartbeat.  It took a while to find as the whooshing sound of the placenta attempted to drown it out.  I think we made the baby cross and it retreated to the furthest point of it's little house and hid like a moody teenager slamming the door as it ran upstairs to sulk.  Persistence won the day though and we eventually found the little monkey hiding to one side and so I left the appointment happy and with a spring in my step.

I have definitely started to feel things this week.  I wasn't sure at first if it was just me but I'm starting to experience that washing machine feeling.  Not kicking but movement.  In fact as I write this I can definitely feel something going on in there like gentle turning and pressing from the inside.  I think I'm cooking a bruiser.

On a final note, I have been inspired by a lovely client and friend of mine who is also pregnant and only 5 weeks ahead of me.  She wanted me to take a series of portraits of her during her final pregnancy for what will be her SIXTH child!  Now if you saw this lady, you would not believe that someone so incredibly gorgeous could have had one child let alone five already with SIX in the oven.  She is also writing a blog and gave me the idea to start my own.  Yesterday we went to the studio for her first session - already at the half way mark.  After she had gone, I asked Paul who owns the studio if he'd take a few shots of me too.  I have decided on my own 'project bump' and so am going to document each week my bump to baby progress.  I hope you enjoy looking!

Meeting number 3...

The wait was finally over and on Monday 11th June my husband and I set off for the shiny new Pembury hospital for our 12 week scan leaving our other two children with their beloved Grandad at home.  I admit I was excited but nervous.  I had already been warned that at the age of 39 my chances of having a high risk pregnancy were much higher than had been previously.  I remember my midwife reeling off some very daunting looking statistics at my 9 week appointment whilst I sat quietly and listened with a knitted brow asking myself if I should be worried.  I tried to push it to the back of my mind and did what I imagined most of us Mummies-to-be do and simply hoped for the best.

When we arrived at the hospital we signed in and entered the large polished waiting room and sat quietly awaiting our turn.  I glanced at some of the other couples sat around the room and wondered as I tried to work out their poker faces whether they felt a little nervous too.

The sonographer called out my name after a fortunately short wait.  I couldn't help but notice though her somewhat serious expression combined with an absence of lighthearted small talk and as I followed her into the darkened room I felt like I was about to sit some sort of exam and she was about to tell me whether I'd passed or not.  I laid down on the bench and and gripped my husband's hand as he sat on the chair next to me.  The sonographer squirted warm gel onto my tummy and I couldn't help but turn my head away from the screen for a moment until I knew things were okay.

When I heard Brett comment in a relaxed voice on the ghostly image of the baby I swung my head back round and stared at the screen.  There it was my third little jellybean, heart beating, happily bouncing about and what looked like a smile on it's face. I relaxed my grip on Brett's hand and despite this being my third experience of this kind couldn't help but marvel yet again at this little life in the making.  The nuchal fold measured at a pleasing 1.7 mm.  I was told that an accurate reading would not be reached until I'd received my blood results but I wasn't going to worry about this too much.

So there he or she was, 10 fingers, 10 toes and all looking good so far.  I felt a wave of relief and then my thoughts quickly turned to Joshua and Grace and my excitement at finally being able to tell them that they were going to get a rather special Christmas present this year although preferably not on Christmas Day itself! My due date is the 17th December so anything's possible but here's hoping for prompt arrival, after all, I want to eat my turkey on Christmas Day, not give birth to it!

We arrived home and as luck would have it Joshua was off due to an inset day at school so I didn't have to wait all day to tell them both.  I got them to sit on the sofa together and told them we had some exciting news...."Mummy is going to have another baby!" I squealed.  Joshua looked at me quizzically and said "But how do YOU know?" Brett, Dad and I all burst out laughing and said "Cos we just do!".

The realisation that they were going to have another partner in crime quickly turned their momentary confusion into excitement.  Grace simply beamed with delight and Joshua threw his arms around me and pressed his head to my tummy asking if he could cuddle the baby.

Now the good news was of course that I could now tell the world and finally start rocking the bump look which I'd so far been desperately trying to hide under shapeless clothes, the baggier the better.  That combined with my teenage like skin problems, weight gain and nausea did not for a hot mama make!  Bye bye first trimester, HELLO second trimester - I think we're going to get on!

The wait was finally over and on Monday 11th June my husband and I set off for the shiny new Pembury hospital for our 12 week scan leaving our other two children with their beloved Grandad at home.  I admit I was excited but nervous.  I had already been warned that at the age of 39 my chances of having a high risk pregnancy were much higher than had been previously.  I remember my midwife reeling off some very daunting looking statistics at my 9 week appointment whilst I sat quietly and listened with a knitted brow asking myself if I should be worried.  I tried to push it to the back of my mind and did what I imagined most of us Mummies-to-be do and simply hoped for the best.

When we arrived at the hospital we signed in and entered the large polished waiting room and sat quietly awaiting our turn.  I glanced at some of the other couples sat around the room and wondered as I tried to work out their poker faces whether they felt a little nervous too.

The sonographer called out my name after a fortunately short wait.  I couldn't help but notice though her somewhat serious expression combined with an absence of lighthearted small talk and as I followed her into the darkened room I felt like I was about to sit some sort of exam and she was about to tell me whether I'd passed or not.  I laid down on the bench and and gripped my husband's hand as he sat on the chair next to me.  The sonographer squirted warm gel onto my tummy and I couldn't help but turn my head away from the screen for a moment until I knew things were okay.

When I heard Brett comment in a relaxed voice on the ghostly image of the baby I swung my head back round and stared at the screen.  There it was my third little jellybean, heart beating, happily bouncing about and what looked like a smile on it's face. I relaxed my grip on Brett's hand and despite this being my third experience of this kind couldn't help but marvel yet again at this little life in the making.  The nuchal fold measured at a pleasing 1.7 mm.  I was told that an accurate reading would not be reached until I'd received my blood results but I wasn't going to worry about this too much.

So there he or she was, 10 fingers, 10 toes and all looking good so far.  I felt a wave of relief and then my thoughts quickly turned to Joshua and Grace and my excitement at finally being able to tell them that they were going to get a rather special Christmas present this year although preferably not on Christmas Day itself! My due date is the 17th December so anything's possible but here's hoping for prompt arrival, after all, I want to eat my turkey on Christmas Day, not give birth to it!

We arrived home and as luck would have it Joshua was off due to an inset day at school so I didn't have to wait all day to tell them both.  I got them to sit on the sofa together and told them we had some exciting news...."Mummy is going to have another baby!" I squealed.  Joshua looked at me quizzically and said "But how do YOU know?" Brett, Dad and I all burst out laughing and said "Cos we just do!".

The realisation that they were going to have another partner in crime quickly turned their momentary confusion into excitement.  Grace simply beamed with delight and Joshua threw his arms around me and pressed his head to my tummy asking if he could cuddle the baby.

Now the good news was of course that I could now tell the world and finally start rocking the bump look which I'd so far been desperately trying to hide under shapeless clothes, the baggier the better.  That combined with my teenage like skin problems, weight gain and nausea did not for a hot mama make!  Bye bye first trimester, HELLO second trimester - I think we're going to get on!

April...Let the pot belly reveal itself.

Oh dear or should I say oh great? April....and so the symptoms began in full effect.  Along with a more unsettled complexion than usual came the tiredness and constant underlying nausea.  Luckily I was never sick but boy did I feel it.  Unfortunately it was the sort of nausea that made me want to eat...and eat...and eat.  It was the only thing that stopped me from feeling queasy...FOOD lots please. 

I was suffering from wave after wave of low blood sugar too which made me feel faint at times.  

Unlike my first pregnancy where I couldn't face certain things...this time anything edible would do but mainly it had to be a carbohydrate of some description or something sweet.  How incredibly annoying.  Where was my urge to nibble on a carrot stick or eat a pound of fruit?  I did of course try these too but they didn't seem to help the nausea (alone) so I settled for the quick fixes too in the hope of an early reprieve so more normal eating patterns could commence.  I was in for a long wait.

I anxiously weighed myself almost daily to begin with as the pounds and ounces started to creep on....quickly.  Okay, okay there were times when I didn't help myself like when I stopped for a piece of cake and a cuppa during the middle of a frenzied NCT nearly new sale only to find myself stopping on the way home at the local farm shop and purchasing a delicious coffee cake...a piece of which I had in the afternoon. Well, I justified, we are having family to stay - what's the harm?  I was eating out of character but I reassured myself it was the hormones and the nausea bringing out my inner greedy monster.

When the weight gain hit an alarming 6 pounds by 9 weeks and I was heading off the chart (yes I'm the shameful green dot above the recommended upper limit trajectory) I started to go into panic mode.  Nooo, I cannot gain all my pregnancy weight in the first trimester!  Who hit the fast track button on this one???  Oh yes, it was me.  So the cycle of dilemma continued.  Feed my ferocious appetite to combat my ever present nausea or ignore it as best I can but suffer miserably the side effects, including faintness and low energy levels? 

Now, I must highlight that I have not spent my first trimester living off burgers, sweets, cake and pizza - although they have I admit featured on occasion.  I am by nature a pretty healthy eater with the occasional indulgence and have always led an active life. It was more the regularity with which my body was forcing me to eat.  I stuck to the healthy stuff as much as possible, salad wraps, pasta, jacket potatoes, yogurts and fruit but I know I was snacking in between meals more regularly and yes there have been the naughty days.

To add to my woes, along came the bloating...all those carbs I hear you cry!  Or perhaps it's just water retention or MAYBE...it's just a REALLY big baby!!!  Okay, I'm not that dumb but we're clutching at straws here.  I reconciled myself with the fact I could still squeeze into my stretchy skinny jeans although I was definitely packing some J-LO booty in there now.  Even my five year old son rather kindly poked at my stomach one day and asked 'why has your tummy got so fat Mummy - have you got a baby in there?'.  I told him to stop being a cheeky monkey and sucked my paunch in self consciously.

My second midwife appointment didn't help.  I admit that my pregnant bloat was actually a source of comfort for me.  Well there's definitely something going on in there I thought (yes cake I muttered at the back of my mind).  So in I marched proudly patting my new round pot belly and enthusiastically exclaiming that I was 'already showing'.  The midwife stared sympathetically at my 'bump' and smiled.  'You do realise my dear, that it's not the baby in there causing that?'.  'Oh?' I said my own smile dropping from my face.  She smiled again and said 'Don't worry, it's probably just bloating'.  I read between the lines in shame.  It really was cake and potatoes.  'I gained six pounds' I admitted as I stared at the floor.  She raised an eyebrow and said I shouldn't really gain more than two stone in my whole pregnancy - which of course I knew.  Oh dear.  I left dejected.

At about ten weeks my nausea started to calm down and so did the low blood sugar attacks.  I rang the midwife about them but my bloods had been normal and apparently this type of symptom was fairly common in the first trimester.  I was glad to see the back of it.

And so here we are, eating more like the old me and there's been no extra weight gain in the last three weeks.  Even my bloating subsided.  So why is it then that the symptoms I was so anxious to get rid of also leave me with an irrational fear that maybe it means things have 'stopped working'.  I've tried my best to squash those feelings though as there is no real reason to think anything is wrong...

Roll on the twelve week scan...only three days to wait.

Oh dear or should I say oh great? April....and so the symptoms began in full effect.  Along with a more unsettled complexion than usual came the tiredness and constant underlying nausea.  Luckily I was never sick but boy did I feel it.  Unfortunately it was the sort of nausea that made me want to eat...and eat...and eat.  It was the only thing that stopped me from feeling queasy...FOOD lots please. 

I was suffering from wave after wave of low blood sugar too which made me feel faint at times.  

Unlike my first pregnancy where I couldn't face certain things...this time anything edible would do but mainly it had to be a carbohydrate of some description or something sweet.  How incredibly annoying.  Where was my urge to nibble on a carrot stick or eat a pound of fruit?  I did of course try these too but they didn't seem to help the nausea (alone) so I settled for the quick fixes too in the hope of an early reprieve so more normal eating patterns could commence.  I was in for a long wait.

I anxiously weighed myself almost daily to begin with as the pounds and ounces started to creep on....quickly.  Okay, okay there were times when I didn't help myself like when I stopped for a piece of cake and a cuppa during the middle of a frenzied NCT nearly new sale only to find myself stopping on the way home at the local farm shop and purchasing a delicious coffee cake...a piece of which I had in the afternoon. Well, I justified, we are having family to stay - what's the harm?  I was eating out of character but I reassured myself it was the hormones and the nausea bringing out my inner greedy monster.

When the weight gain hit an alarming 6 pounds by 9 weeks and I was heading off the chart (yes I'm the shameful green dot above the recommended upper limit trajectory) I started to go into panic mode.  Nooo, I cannot gain all my pregnancy weight in the first trimester!  Who hit the fast track button on this one???  Oh yes, it was me.  So the cycle of dilemma continued.  Feed my ferocious appetite to combat my ever present nausea or ignore it as best I can but suffer miserably the side effects, including faintness and low energy levels? 

Now, I must highlight that I have not spent my first trimester living off burgers, sweets, cake and pizza - although they have I admit featured on occasion.  I am by nature a pretty healthy eater with the occasional indulgence and have always led an active life. It was more the regularity with which my body was forcing me to eat.  I stuck to the healthy stuff as much as possible, salad wraps, pasta, jacket potatoes, yogurts and fruit but I know I was snacking in between meals more regularly and yes there have been the naughty days.

To add to my woes, along came the bloating...all those carbs I hear you cry!  Or perhaps it's just water retention or MAYBE...it's just a REALLY big baby!!!  Okay, I'm not that dumb but we're clutching at straws here.  I reconciled myself with the fact I could still squeeze into my stretchy skinny jeans although I was definitely packing some J-LO booty in there now.  Even my five year old son rather kindly poked at my stomach one day and asked 'why has your tummy got so fat Mummy - have you got a baby in there?'.  I told him to stop being a cheeky monkey and sucked my paunch in self consciously.

My second midwife appointment didn't help.  I admit that my pregnant bloat was actually a source of comfort for me.  Well there's definitely something going on in there I thought (yes cake I muttered at the back of my mind).  So in I marched proudly patting my new round pot belly and enthusiastically exclaiming that I was 'already showing'.  The midwife stared sympathetically at my 'bump' and smiled.  'You do realise my dear, that it's not the baby in there causing that?'.  'Oh?' I said my own smile dropping from my face.  She smiled again and said 'Don't worry, it's probably just bloating'.  I read between the lines in shame.  It really was cake and potatoes.  'I gained six pounds' I admitted as I stared at the floor.  She raised an eyebrow and said I shouldn't really gain more than two stone in my whole pregnancy - which of course I knew.  Oh dear.  I left dejected.

At about ten weeks my nausea started to calm down and so did the low blood sugar attacks.  I rang the midwife about them but my bloods had been normal and apparently this type of symptom was fairly common in the first trimester.  I was glad to see the back of it.

And so here we are, eating more like the old me and there's been no extra weight gain in the last three weeks.  Even my bloating subsided.  So why is it then that the symptoms I was so anxious to get rid of also leave me with an irrational fear that maybe it means things have 'stopped working'.  I've tried my best to squash those feelings though as there is no real reason to think anything is wrong...

Roll on the twelve week scan...only three days to wait.

The Beginning

So here it was, DAY ONE of my pregnancy with the hope of baby number 3 at the end of it all.  Baby number 3...! Wow I never thought I would hear myself saying that.  When I was young..er(!) I had imagined me grown up with a loving husband and two children, a boy and a girl.  How lucky I was to have ended up with just that.  I can honestly say that three children had not even occurred to me.

Joshua was born in October 2006, a tiny 5lb 2 oz, followed by Grace in June 2009 a generous 7lb 6oz. After Grace was born I felt a surprising emotion.  One I put down to the idea that I would not experience pregnancy again.  I felt broody! My friends who had just had their second babies said that they were DONE.  No more, they were complete.  Weirdly I didn't feel this way - enormously happy at having two beautiful healthy children - yes - but DONE...not quite?  I knew three was not in the plan though and my husband was more than happy with two so our paths seemed set. 

So life settled down to the busy routine of motherhood and running my photography business, planning my weddings around breast feeding and toddlerdom. It was a crazy time but I (mostly!) enjoyed the madness. 

Time passed and the children grew taller.  The subject of a third child got raised a few times, tossed around and then put back in the box.  Nice idea but too impractical, only one hand for each child to hold, think of the holidays, cars, costs, mayhem, middle child syndrome, impact on my business potential, rocking the boat - we have a boy and a girl and so the list went on.

More time passed, Joshua started primary school and Grace finally starting sleeping through the night, potty trained and became my wonderful little companion when Joshua was at school.  Life was becoming easier and I was even starting to imagine what I would do with all that 'free' time once Grace started school next year....

But then I had a moment.  My friend and fellow school Mum dropped her daughter off one morning so I could take her to school as she had to work early that day.  I don't know if it was the intimacy of breakfast (normally only reserved for my own family) but seeing the three children sat round the table together formed an image in my mind.  I liked the dynamic and so the broody box was opened once more.

This time and much to my surprise my husband was much more open to the idea.  Things were more stable for him at work as he was at the head of a new but growing business.  The children were easier, it could be fun, it's madness anyway so why not!  Will we regret it later if we didn't give it a try? Quite a turn around.

We decided not to rush into things though so mulled over the thought for a month and I secretly quizzed as many mothers to three children on 'life with three children' as I could without trying to give the game away.  It was good to hear that although it was hard work it was also rewarding and fun and was reassured to see that none had gone grey overnight!

So we tried and then the day came for the test - 10th April 2012.  It was a test much earlier than I thought it should be but after a weekend of feeling quite queasy I decided to bite the bullet.  As the digital display started flashing awaiting the result I even thought 'well that was a waste of a stick' when suddenly up it popped - PREGNANT.

And so the journey for bump began.  Welcome to the first trimester...and all it was about to bring. 

So here it was, DAY ONE of my pregnancy with the hope of baby number 3 at the end of it all.  Baby number 3...! Wow I never thought I would hear myself saying that.  When I was young..er(!) I had imagined me grown up with a loving husband and two children, a boy and a girl.  How lucky I was to have ended up with just that.  I can honestly say that three children had not even occurred to me.

Joshua was born in October 2006, a tiny 5lb 2 oz, followed by Grace in June 2009 a generous 7lb 6oz. After Grace was born I felt a surprising emotion.  One I put down to the idea that I would not experience pregnancy again.  I felt broody! My friends who had just had their second babies said that they were DONE.  No more, they were complete.  Weirdly I didn't feel this way - enormously happy at having two beautiful healthy children - yes - but DONE...not quite?  I knew three was not in the plan though and my husband was more than happy with two so our paths seemed set. 

So life settled down to the busy routine of motherhood and running my photography business, planning my weddings around breast feeding and toddlerdom. It was a crazy time but I (mostly!) enjoyed the madness. 

Time passed and the children grew taller.  The subject of a third child got raised a few times, tossed around and then put back in the box.  Nice idea but too impractical, only one hand for each child to hold, think of the holidays, cars, costs, mayhem, middle child syndrome, impact on my business potential, rocking the boat - we have a boy and a girl and so the list went on.

More time passed, Joshua started primary school and Grace finally starting sleeping through the night, potty trained and became my wonderful little companion when Joshua was at school.  Life was becoming easier and I was even starting to imagine what I would do with all that 'free' time once Grace started school next year....

But then I had a moment.  My friend and fellow school Mum dropped her daughter off one morning so I could take her to school as she had to work early that day.  I don't know if it was the intimacy of breakfast (normally only reserved for my own family) but seeing the three children sat round the table together formed an image in my mind.  I liked the dynamic and so the broody box was opened once more.

This time and much to my surprise my husband was much more open to the idea.  Things were more stable for him at work as he was at the head of a new but growing business.  The children were easier, it could be fun, it's madness anyway so why not!  Will we regret it later if we didn't give it a try? Quite a turn around.

We decided not to rush into things though so mulled over the thought for a month and I secretly quizzed as many mothers to three children on 'life with three children' as I could without trying to give the game away.  It was good to hear that although it was hard work it was also rewarding and fun and was reassured to see that none had gone grey overnight!

So we tried and then the day came for the test - 10th April 2012.  It was a test much earlier than I thought it should be but after a weekend of feeling quite queasy I decided to bite the bullet.  As the digital display started flashing awaiting the result I even thought 'well that was a waste of a stick' when suddenly up it popped - PREGNANT.

And so the journey for bump began.  Welcome to the first trimester...and all it was about to bring.